7/22/2009 6:00:00 PM BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVES/Children's obedience - Part 3
By J. LIGON DUNCAN III
The following is the 127th in a series entitled "Ephesians: The Queen of Letters."
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother' (this is the first commandment with a promise), 'that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.'" (Ephesians 6:1-3)
Please turn in your Bibles to Ephesians 6:1-3, as we return to these verses. Here, the Apostle Paul is going to go over the different categories and some of the special circumstances that obtain in living out God's command concerning children obeying their parents. And remember, Paul also says that this command is accompanied with a gracious promise.
This command is important - as far as God is concerned, our living out under this authority structure affects the way that we approach authority in all of life, and especially, in how we approach God's authority. So this is a vital command in a society like ours that is relativistic and just hates authority. We have a problem with authority. That's just the culture that we live in now, and so this word is a radical counter-cultural word.
Now let's think by way of application just very briefly to children in several different circumstances, ages, and stages of life.
First, let's think about younger children in the home, and let's look at two categories here. The first category I want to think of is a young person who is in a Christian home with at least one godly and wise Christian parent. Let me share a story with you.
There was a very intelligent 14-year-old young woman in a congregation that I once served many years ago who was giving her mother fits about coming to church. Her mother actually called me up and said, "I cannot get my daughter to go to church. She attends another church, but I just can't get her to come with me. What do I do?"
I said, "Now, she is 14 and not driving. Correct? Now how is she getting to this other church?"
"Well, I'm taking her."
"OK. Well, here's an idea about how you could get her to not do that and come to church: DON'T TAKE HER THERE!"
And the mom's response was, "I can do that?"
And the answer of course is, "Yes! You can do that. While she's under your roof, she salutes and executes. 'Yes, ma'am' is the right answer."
But there are so many parents today who don't think that they can exercise that kind of parental authority over their young people.
But then, let's think of another circumstance. In another case I've had a situation where a godly young woman was from an unbelieving family. She was a teenager and under her parent's roof. They were good parents other than the fact that they did not believe in Christ. And it scared them that she was attending an evangelical church. As far as they were concerned, she had joined a cult. She was asking, "How in this circumstance do I honor my parents when they don't want me to come to church." She had come to faith in Jesus Christ. Even in that circumstance, we tried to find ways that she could honor her parents' appropriate authority.
The general principle is still that she must show respect and obedience to her parents. So, while we're in the home there are only rare occasions when there are going to be exceptions to this rule. Yes, there will sadly be circumstances where there is physical abuse, and God forbid, yes, occasionally sexual abuse and other things of this nature which will require severe intervention and different relationships between child and parent for the protection of the child. But those are by far the exception to the rule. When the child is in the home, we want to strive in every way to foster obedience to parents.
What about grown children on their own? You know, one of the two big issues in this area often have to do with vocation and marriage. SusieQ has graduated now and beginning to embark upon a career that perhaps her parents don't agree with. Thus, there are tensions.
Well, again, in that circumstance, she is on her own, and there is a level of autonomy that she has that she's not had before. Nevertheless, she would be wise to listen to the wisdom of her parents. Even if her parents are unbelievers, they will often have insights into her that she does not have about herself.
What about in the area of marriage? This is so often a difficult thing. The first two questions I ask when young people come to my office for their first marriage counseling session are, are you both Christians?-I want to know where they stand with Christ; and the second question is, are both families supportive of the marriage? Now if the answer is no that doesn't mean that at that point I cut it all off and no further discussion. But if the answer is no there's going to be a lot of groundwork done before we move forward. There are tremendous obstacles that a young couple faces when there is not a corresponding respect and approval from parents. And so you have to work out how to wade through and sift through what is wise and what is not, and how to show honor and respect in every circumstance.
One final area is the area of grown children caring for aging parents. Turn in your Bibles to Matthew 15:4-6. The Bible is not silent on this issue.
It is a growing issue, and it's a growing privilege for many congregations, is the privilege of caring for aging parents the way that they cared for us when we were young. But along with that come all sorts of sticky, thorny issues, especially when parents' judgment begins to fail.
One thing that Jesus says is that we must never, ever allow self-interest to undermine our obligation to care for the parents of our youth
And so this principle of honoring parents carries all the way from childhood in the home all the way to the last days of our parents' lives. Yet, the way that we honor changes, but the principle is always maintained. Yes, when we're grown and on our own and married, we must leave and cleave. There's a new level of autonomy, but there continues to be that honor, respect, and care, even in situations where our parents are unwise and unbelieving. And as always, we must honor God in the way we love and serve others.
